My Due Date is Fast Approaching!


Your probably wondering why I haven’t told you that I’m pregnant.
Honestly, I am not in the traditional sense. But, very shortly I will give birth to my baby: I have imagined her since I was a little girl, and she will be delivered not only to me soon, but to the world! It seems like it is taking forever for her to arrive because I am really trying to deliver! I mean deliver the kind of content that makes you keep coming back for more, deliver tips, advice, news, and how-to’s that you can relate to, and deliver the very best I can to help you live more confidently and fabulously!
It has been a long process full of ideas, creation, revisions, brainstorming, and time commitments. But, it is all worth it in the end. When she, my new site, is delivered I will let you know. We are a few days away from the due date. LOL….seriously!
Sneak peak of one of the new banners below (please do not copy or share):


Artist: Jade Pilgrom

Stay tuned,


Scandal: Why More Women of Color Need to be Running the Show


It has been so refreshing and also in some ways weird to watch Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope on a major, mainstream television show watched by millions of all backgrounds. Don’t get me wrong I have seen plenty of shows with mostly cast of color with a leading lady of color, but a major television show like Scandal is a little different. The fact there hasn’t been one since the sitcom Julia in the early 1970’s is mind blowing. Honestly, it is scandalous that this is even a fact. It took that long!


Notable for being one of the first weekly series to depict an African American woman in a non-stereotypical role

Another fact is that Olivia certainly represents for the ladies! She represents an authenticity that is unparalleled to any other show starring a black woman that I’ve ever seen. Additionally, she shines with such regal realness in every scene which leaves viewers like, “Well, damn Liv!”

Olivia’s presence is so powerful. We need her on there moving and shaking through DC. We need more women of color on major television shows period! Olivia cannot be our only example, although she is a damn good one. Little girls, teen girls, and real woman with or without color need to see themselves as powerful, regal, and in control of their lives like Liv. Just look at her: olivia-pope-scandal-kerry-washington

Too often we hear all of the negatives attributed to women, and in the age of reality TV we sometimes can get the WRONG ideals of what it really means to be a lady, to be professional, to be beautiful without showing all of your body, to handle situations without a brawl and throwing the b-word, to show oneself as multitalented and to be damn good at what we do that doesn’t involve sex, money, drugs, or being fame hungry!

Shonda sure can write! But, Shonda wasn’t the only one gifted with this talent. You might have it in you to write the next great show starring a leading lady of color. Not sure if I have it in me. But, I have always dreamed of having my own television network for women of color that had programming just for us. A show like Scandal would be on the line up. But, would people even watch?

People have been so accustomed to shows like Basketball Wives that a network with regal woman doing real things in a positive way may not make the cut. It may be too boring! At least this is what viewers say in regards to positive programming on BET that consistently gets very low ratings!

realityaired.comBasketball Wives LA
Basketball Wives LA

When will we break out of this World Star Hip Hop mentality where it is okay to be a basketball wife with no husband, or in a street brawl that is posted on the internet, or even put others down just to obtain 15 seconds of fame on TV. All of that nonsense is ignorance at its best. This seems more like the show is running you versus you running your own show.

Real living comes from knowing who you are and owning that. Olivia Pope is my definition of a regal realness woman who rocks all that she got. She knows she is worthy, but she is not perfect…none of us are. Although the show is entertainment (just like the others mentioned) what we choose to feed ourselves on a daily basis it what we become. I choose to be Ms. Pope any day over the other nonsense I see. More women of color on the little and big screens is needed, necessary and long overdue!

SignatureWhat do you think?

Color Me Confident: 4 Ways to Increase Your “Regal Realness”


“To be regal is to be worthy. To be real is to be authentic. Let real recognize real. Excellence should always be at the top of every girl’s list”

Regal Realness is about staying true to your self—the real you (culture, identity, heritage) while empowering you for the throne as the regal (empowered, educated, motivated, and determined) woman you are. It is about staying true to yourself but becoming a women of excellence all at the same time.  We believe that you don’t have to give up who you are or where you are from to become a woman of great character, of great morals, of great presence, of great intelligence, and of great success.

 Here are four ways to increase your confidence at any age and tap into the “regal” being inside of us all:

1. Find a Mentor

Find a person who can lift you up. Find a person who you look up to. You should always surround yourself with people who are your equal or above. “Iron sharpens iron.” If you want to be ‘regal’ then you have to spend time with regal women who are role models. Spending your time with the wrong people could cost you big time in the long run. I learned in 7th grade that, “if someone shows you their friends—they’re showing you there future.” Only hang with individuals who will take you to the next level and/or encourage you where you are.


 2. Master your Thoughts

If you master your mind, you master your life. If you can control your thinking you can be anything you want to be and have anything you want to have. Why do you think there are some people who are billionaires at 14 like Farrah Gray while others are 68 and still struggling to make a dollar. Circumstance, socio-economic status, race, gender, disability, neglectful or absent parents, etc—none of those are excuses! There are millions of people who succeeded despite these categories we are pushed into. If you want to master your thoughts you need to create daily affirmations to tell yourself daily. Essentially, you want to “fake it till you make it.” Your mind doesn’t know the difference. The more you say it the more you will start to believe it. It is cliché but it is true: If you believe it then you will be it! Real Talk: You wouldn’t believe all of the good things that will begin to happen as a result of saying affirmations daily.

One of my daily affirmations: I have a vision, determination, and inspiration, as well as massive amounts of self-esteem and self-confidence.

3. Create a Vision Board

Vision Board Example from:

Vision Board Example from:

“Without a vision the people perish” the Bible said it best. You – Vision = Perish, Dreams Deferred, Unhappy, and the list goes on. If you want to see different results then you have to do something different. We all have a vision inside of us of who we are and who we want to become. Sit down one night or day, grab a couple of magazines or pictures from the internet and cut out images that represent the life you envision yourself having. Make it beautiful-regal but keep it real with all these—YOU! Put the images on a poster board, cork board, or any other space (even on your computer background) you have to make it visible daily. It will remind you of where you are headed and keep you focused. I have been using vision boards for 2 years, and they are a success!

4. Speak Up

Everyone has a voice inside of them. Use yours! Speak up if these suggestions aren’t working. If you are doing everything you can to be happy, to succeed in school or work, to get a boyfriend who loves you for you and makes you happy, to get the healthy hair you want, to be fit and go to the gym but none of these things ever seem to happen then it is time you ask for help. Then it is your time to speak up!!! YOU ARE WHO YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!

Audre Lorde said it best, “When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed.
But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”



8 Things Successful Women Do Differently

Successful people do things differently. It’s the truth. The question is, are you doing these things? Are you preparing yourself to live the life you have always wanted? The one you’ve dreamed about. The one you are more than capable of living. Success is not only for certain people. It is something that anyone can achieve. Review  the list below and assess whether you posses these traits:

1. They Take Risks

They take risks in order to accomplish great things by pushing their fear to the side, and going after what they want. Noted in as Essence Magazine’s as one of the top 10 black entrepeneurs is Mrs. Valeire Daniels-Carter is the President and  CEO of  V & J Holding Companies which operates over 100 Burger King and Pizza Hutt locations in 4 states. Her and her brother took a risk after running one franchise of BK to now owning over 100! Now her company is the LARGEST African-American owned restaurant franchise operator in the U.S.

2. They Carry Themselves with Dignity & Class

They carry themselves as regal ladies! They take pride in their appearance, their health, and their presence. The First Lady is one of the best examples of this! Others include Nicole Ari Parker, Nia Long, Jada Pinkett Smith and Phylicia Rashad.

3. They Work Hard and Play Hard

They work extremely hard professionally, but also take time out to enjoy their personal time and take care of themselves. Sherri Shepperd wrote a whole book around this one called, Permission Slips: Every Women’s Guide to Giving Herself a Break where she shares her wisdom on allowing ourselves permission to relax and to make mistakes that we can learn from.

4.  They are Appreciators of their Culture

They acknowledge where the are form and the ways it shapes who they are as women and human beings. Melissa Harris Perry is a great advocate of this on national TV. Both Queen Latifah and Jill Scott also represent their ancestors well. Jill sings, I take charge of ship/Moving with my back and my hips/Like my ancestors did/Speaking the Bantu,Ranga and tonga.” And America Ferrara makes no bones about hers she says proudly, “Am I Latin? Am I American? What the hell am I? I love my culture and I’m very proud of my culture.”  

5. They Recognize Men Complement Not Complete Them

They are in positive and healthy relationships that compliment who they are! Angela Bassett and Jada Pinkett Smith do a great job of displaying this publicly for all to see. There also a number of everyday women we all know who also represent this well. For even more examples check out one of my favorite blogs,  Black and Married With Kids for great advice and tools.

6.  They Brand Themselves

They brand themselves so that they are memorable and stand out from the crowd! A host of women are doing this everywhere. Some of my favorites are Marshawn Evans (ME University) and Tory Sparks of Spark & Hustle.

7. They Know they are Fabulous & Empowered

They know they are regal realness women! Kimora Lee Simmons the queen of fabuloisty owns this, and we know she is nothing less than a powerhouse!

8. They Speak their Truth #Realness

They know they have a voice and thoughts that the world needs to hear. They do not hold their tongue and are affectionately known for “keeping it real” and telling our stories. Great examples are: Audre Lorde, Maya Angelou, Terry McMillan, bell hooks, Alice Walker, Bebe Moore Campbell, Toni Morrison, Soledad O’Brien, and Sonia Sanchez to name a few!

Enjoyed this article? READ: 6 Secrets of Successful Women of Color

Which of these do you need to do more of in order to become as successful as you want to be?

6 Secrets of Successful Women of Color

“Success leaves clues.” –Tony Robbins

There are some women we look at in awe! That is for a reason. Success takes hard work, dedication, and focus. But, women of color also have their own secrets that lend to their success that allow them to break barriers beyond racial and sexual stereotypes that may say otherwise. If you want to be successful, then you follow in the footsteps of those before you. As my main man Tony said, SUCCESS LEAVES CLUES, and he didn’t lie. P.S. If you don’t know Tony Robbins then you are missing out. Anyhoots, here are the top 12 secrets to their success:

1. They Know They Can Create The Life They Want

They are aware of the fact that outside circumstances and people do not determine where they end up, but instead they create their own lives. What they believe about themselves and their life is the single most important factor to achieving their dreasm! Oprah exemplifies this well! She has truly created the life she wants! Also, Kimora Lee Simmons has created an entire enterprise, too. There are countless other women of color who live by this first key to success:Sonia Sotomayer, Michelle Obama, and countless other women who are not as famous. If you don’t read any of the rest, this is the one I want you to recognize and focus on for yourself the MOST! It is the most important secret to success of all and any people.


Yup…guess whose life this is? They surely created the life they wanted! OPRAH, of course!

Are you building to where you want to be one day?

2. They Have a Mentor and Mentor Others

They have women and men they look up to who inspire them to do great things. They walked in the footsteps of their ancestors and also saw a place for blazing their own path as a result of others who opened doors for them. They also recognize the importance of giving back to the next generation, as well. For example, Beverly Bond started Black Girls Rock, a non-profit organization that promotes the arts to young women of color. She recognized the importance of helping other girls of color see more positive images of themselves, and gain experiences they may otherwise never have. Black Girls Rock is also an awards night now hosted on BET, this year’s event will be aired on November 4th!

3. They Create a Game Plan & Work It

They create a plan and work it like nobody’s business. They hire others and gather volunteers to help them reach their own vision. This is not selfish, but they instead hire and work with other talented folks in their respective areas that help their own careers but those of the people they work with. Beyonce’ could be seen as a prime example because her mother design her clothes, her father use to manage her, and she also hired an all female band. Cathy Hughes, founder of TV ONE also worked her plan, and now has one of the few black owned TV channels.

4. They Network with People

They recognize their time on earth is not to be spent alone but rather serving others, helping others, talking to others, building friendships and relationships with other women and men in order to enhance their quality of life and enhance their professional networks. Linked In may be a good place for you to start doing this, too.One of the most successful examples  is the BOSS (Bringing Out Successful Sisters) Network. Founded by  Camika Smith, the BOSS Network isa community of career and entrepreneurial women who support each other through conversation, online and event-based networking.

5. They Never Stop Learning

They are lifelong learners. Oprah has created her own, Life Class show for this reason. Tyra Banks has went back to school to Harvard to increase her knowledge in their prestigious business school; while others continue to grow themselves in new ways daily knowing that they must stay sharp!

6. They Are Innovative

They come up with fresh ideas that can change the world and make our lives better. They make organizations and businesses better once they are graced by their presence. In other cases they go as far as starting their own businesses, communities, blogs, websites, programs, etc. There are thousands of examples around our own communities and even in the public eye. With the explosion of the natural hair movement and the amount of people starting blogs there are endless amounts of women doing their THING!!!!!!!!!!!! Too many to name which is a good thing!

Are they any you would add to this list?

Regal Interview: SHALENA D.I.V.A.

I have been following Shalena D.I.V.A. for the past three months online, and she inspires me daily! She is one sister who is uplifting and empowering women, and allowing us to share in her journey with her as she goes from being an everyday Philly girl from a rough neighborhood to an empowered and determined CEO of her own enterprise, please enjoy the story and wisdom of Ms. Shalena D.I.V.A.: The Purpose Driven DIVA

RR: Is there a motto you live by? Or something that motivates you daily?

SD: “I am large. I contain multitude.” –Walt Whitman. I just always thought I was larger than myself and my circumstances. That’s what propelled me to live out my dreams. Also, I do a daily prayer call at 5am (eastern time) and that keeps me motivated every day.”

RR: Tell Me About Yourself

SD: “I grew up in South Philadelphia in a drug infested and rough neighborhood.  I saw family members and friends killed. My father got hooked on drugs, and contracted HIV, and my stepfather was a drug dealer. Drugs destroyed my family. One night I actually witnessed my stepfather being kidnapped. They eventually freed him, and almost killed my little brother and I saw my life flash before me. The FBI came through my house, and his reign came to an end. Through all of this I still had a strong desire to graduate from high school and go to college.

I use to walk over crack viles, but I was determined. I was awarded a scholarship to UPenn, an Ivy League school, and my family did not support my vision to go to Duke University. I knew I didn’t want to stay in Philadelphia. I was determined to be whatever I wanted to be in life.  I was a loner, and I said to myself “I will do this alone if I have to.” It also foreshadowed me to start working for an insurance company which was so boring. I envisioned helping people and I left that job in 2006. I took a gamble, and went against the grain again. It was a rocky road. To me my happiness was more important.

So, after that I got engaged and had my son in December 2008…I was living the perfect life on the outside. But, I hit rock bottom in 2009. I felt like something was missing. I connected more with myself spiritually, and I started to go back to GOD; shortly after I started to empower women.”

RR: Why did you start

SD: “I started it to help women become clear about who and where they are. I trademarked Shalena DIVA as a brand, and made it into a corporation. The DIVA stands for: Discover, Invest, Value, and Appreciate your God given talents

RR: What types of events, services, or products do you offer to empower women?

SD: “Currently, people can write for the website and give themselves a voice. I also co-created a women’s empowerment online camp called, Passion Academy with Aprille Franks-Hunte. I am starting to move to more off-line events such as my  book launch! One of my mentors said you need a book with your work, and you’re going to have a launch. I just had my first event on August 25, 2012 in Philadelphia. I wanted it to be my first off-line event…it just had to be different. It was me combining my musical and acting background with my empowerment background! I am also a new co-host of an online show called, Smooches. I do the mind, body, soul section of the show.

I want to do “100 Dresses: Let’s Bring Classy Back” again which is to give dresses to 100 women as a call to action…let’s bring classy back and be sexy. I will start teaching healthy hair classes on Powhow. It is interactive and paid classes. I want to empower black women especially to take care of their hair. It helped me take care of my body better and manage my time better. I also want to empower mothers and daughters because imparting to our little girls how to take care of their hair will increase them telling their family and friends about how to take care their hair.”

RR: I saw that you wrote an e-book, tell us more and where we can buy this item?

Shalena knows how to market herself like a ROCKSTAR!!! Reasons why I love her and learn from her!

SD: “I wrote an E-Book called, Fire Your Friends: A Woman’s Guide to Becoming Her Own Best Friend. I thought of a creative way of imparting life lessons along the way to my followers. What better way than through their girlfriends? I’ve learned that you have to be your own best friend. There will be different personalities you need in your life. Wow, what would K.I.M. (keep it moving) say in a certain situation. Kim is like “look I don’t have time for this” if anybody gets in your way. Kim doesn’t take BS. I believe everyone has an inner Oprah also known as an inner genius. Genius is based around your natural gifts leading your heart. You have to be mentally strong and prepared. Trust that God is only going to remove what he needs to. It’s going to be okay.

Then there is, Pearl (she is your sweetheart who never judges you and shows you how to dig deep. Shows you how to use your gifts and talents to take “grits of sand”) People love Pearl. She shows you how to write your own story. L.Y.L.A (Living In Life Affirmative) she is your inner cheerleader and is fun, and believes in you no matter what.) She’s the one who does the “I AM” Factor.

Then there is Failure, she is your girlfriend from back in the day, and ya’ll use to go to Kindergarten together…every now and then you see her and she knows when something is wrong with you. Failure is to disarm the notion that you are her best friend. She shows you how to re-seek your plans and I think she reminds me of a “Queen Latifah” character. She would sound like, “Girl, if you don’t stop playing.” I wanted people to see failure differently in my book.”

“Those characters are girlfriends! People go home and call their girlfriends! But, what about the woman who doesn’t have girlfriends or family? If you have family you are blessed. But, we have to look inside, and stop looking for other people to validate us. These girlfriends can help you do that. We need to check ourselves a little bit more. For followers unable to afford my coaching they can still get my ideas through my e-book. This book is available for purchase NOW”

RR: What has been the most rewarding/challenging part of starting

SD: “Rewarding is really helping women to see how great they really are, and helping them move beyond their past. I tell them that now you can inspire other women who have been where you have been. Challenging…expanding and growing and needing help now. I can’t do everything by myself anymore. Also being consistent.”

RR: How has starting changed your life personally and professionally?

SD: “Professionally…it has helped me become the women that God created me to be.”

RR: What advice would you give to “Twentysomething” women of color?

SD: “Listen to your intuition….we hear a voice inside of us. God gave it to us for a reason. If you feel that a person isn’t for you. That intuition could save you from anything. Be aware of emotional abuse…if you’re in a relationship or with people or put you down or complain for example that you like to look nice. If they find ways to constantly put you down…then get out of the relationship or distance yourself if they are a family member. You don’t want to be 40 dealing with something from when you were 20.” Don’t even tolerate it!”

RR: Where do you see and yourself in 5 years? Explain your idea of the “I AM factor.”

SD: “I see myself as a household brand to be reckoned with. I want to have a nationally syndicated radio show, online TV show, or be on TV, and be a highly sought after coach. Bestseller a few times over, and be married! Diversify my brand (Shalena DIVA Shoes, perfume, clothing, etc). I’m going to be in your house. I always dreamed of being on my local WHYY…that’s going to be me on there. Internationally, traveling the world and helping women unleash their inner DIVA. I got the “I AM” factor from Donald Lawrence’s sermon. I listened to it and it resonated with me because it showed me that we have more control over our lives then we think we do. What we put out in the atmosphere will come follow you and chase you down—positive and negative. In the song he says,  “Confess that I am, I am.”  He told a congregation, “Let the weak say I’m strong, and they were like what? We’re are not strong. And he said believe that you are strong. Say I am.”  So I started doing it…it is amazing how well it works! If you are fearful don’t say “I am not afraid.” Say “I am courageous.” “I can do all things.” “I am a radio host. I am a TV host.” Before I learned about this I didn’t have people asking for interviews. Now look at where I am. I spoke at UPenn and was referred to speak at LaSalle University in August. I was asked to be a co-host, and Powhow picked me to be a Healthy Hair Instructor even though it is really competitive to get selected. I also am starting my own hair line. I am currently working on the conditioner.”

RR: Where can readers find more info and resources from you?

SD: Visit: can sign up to receive my weekly e-mail newsletter. “Like” my Facebook: www.

RR: When you think of the word regal what comes to mind?

SD: “Royalty. Purple. Royal. Regal woman that has great posture stands up tall, walks in and embodies everything GOD has intended for you. Fabulous. Beautiful without apology.”

RR: When you think of the word real what comes to mind?

SD:Someone who can laugh, cry, and is in touch with their feelings and with themselves. Spiritually centered. Love themselves. Because they love themselves.  Because their cup is overflowing. Not taking life to serious and you being you and loving who you are.”

RR: Is there anything else you would like to share with us?

SD: “I am proud of young women like you who are giving people a voice. You are shining a light, and believe it or not giving people an invitation.”

Live like a Queen: How to Get Your Confidence Up in 5 Easy Steps!

 “Your crown has been bought and paid for. All you must do is put it on.” – James Baldwin


Believing in yourself and loving yourself are the hardest things to do in the world! You would think it would be easier! Unfortunately, most of us come to this self-realization about how powerful we really are much later in life. I guess I never understood that. Nor have I accepted that as a fact of life. I will never accept that. All people deserve to be told they are loved. All people deserve the right to be empowered. You should always carry yourself as if you wearing an invisible crown. Not because you are better than anyone else, but because you are worthy! Your crown has been brought and paid for. You have been a queen long before you were born. You come from a long line of royalty contrary to popular belief.

Queen Latifah is not the first queen to date. Never the less she is a good role model, but she even understood when selecting her name that she was from this long line. Queen meaning, “a woman, or something personified as a woman, that is foremost or preeminent in any respect”, and “Latifah” meaning ‘gentle’ and ‘pleasant’ in Arabic. She could have easily stuck with her original name of “Dana Owens,” however she decided to connect herself back to her cultural heritage, and identity as an empowered woman of color! Additionally, she has evolved her style and skills, and is now a Covergirl! Who would have ever thought? It all started with someone implanting the idea in her mind that she was worthy.


It’s a shame that in today’s society far too many women and men I see believe and live their life as if there is no crown, and no history of royalty amongst people of color. Boy, how wrong are they? Our crowns are buried deep inside of our souls, wrapped in our spirits, tucked away in our hair follicles, and engulfed in our hearts. The world is not an easy place. It can truly make you feel unworthy. Experiences can lock away that crown. Bad relationships, low self-esteem, unstable home lives, absent or estranged parents, lack of education, media images, and the list continues of the ways our crowns are constantly tested in society. But, if we are to restore ourselves to our rightful thrones we must think of this in terms of the $20 bill theory. If I was given out a $20 bill randomly you would take it. If I crumbled it up, you would still take it. If I stumped on it and through it around, you would still want it. Why? Because it still has the same value! The same is true for us. No matter how much comes our way we still have value. It never left. It will always be there. We are the ones who have to find it buried in there.

Consequently, all it takes is one experience to bring your crown back out! I know it took me one experience that left me lost, unconfident and unsure that led me on my journey to find my crown. I will never ever look back from this point on. It is my “crown state” that I am my best self. I do my best work. I attract the best friendships and relationships. I eat the best foods. I make the best moves. I live my best life because I refuse to settle for less. I know who I am and whose I am.

It is this place that I hope to inspire, educate, and empower others to be in. It is imperative that young women of color and women everywhere realize that they have been living in a kingdom their entire lives. Here are 5 ways to help you find your inner queen!

  1. Educate yourself (follow blogs such as: The Learning Curve & social media that uplifts such as: Esteem Yourself and read books that empower ie: Get Yours! How to Have Everything You Ever Dreamed of and More! By Amy Dubois Barnett)
  2.  Tap into your feminine (paint your nails, cook dinner, do your hair, wear more dresses and skirts, visualize your future man. You will be surprised how this one automatically puts you into a queen mindset)
  3. Express Yourself (Begin a journey towards self-discovery and healing from negative attitudes and experiences–seek counseling, write in a journal, dance, paint, sing… anyway you know how to release stress, pain, anger, and old attitudes about yourself that disregard your worth!)
  4.  Get a Mentor/Role Model (Surround yourself with women who are confident and successful. Ask them to mentor you)
  5. Visualize Yourself (Write out a description of the type of woman you want to be, and the type of man you want in your life. Practice it daily. You can only attract who and what you are. If you want a king, you must first ACT like a queen  )

Believing in yourself is the first step towards being happy, and living a good life.  It is in this motto you can find yourself again, “we are the ones we have been waiting for.”What are you waiting for? “Go get it” as Mary Mary would say. Go get all that is yours in the world! It is the idea of loving and accepting your “real” self flaws and all, but recognizing your “regal” allure locked inside of you. It is regal realness at its best. The life you truly want will never begin until you find your crown, put it on and wear it—confidently!


The Mission of The Learning Curve is to encourage women to enter into a period of transition, as a means of gaining self-knowledge, purpose and happiness.

What is the biggest thing holding you back from becoming the queen you are meant to be?